Loss of Friendship

When I was younger, the life ahead of me was full of light. Let me explain the term light in my world. When I pictured my life 10 years from when I was 20, the image that came to mind was one where I’m sitting in the middle of a huge, hand carved, wooden table surrounded by my family, with a table full of food placed in a kitchen glowing and basking in morning light. Of course, my friends sat at either ends from me and watched me bask in this glorious light of love and togetherness. It was sacred like the painting of the last supper. I held this image very close to my heart, always! Love gets spurned, marriages get bitter, but your true friends you always know deep down you can count on for the rest of your life! Or at least that’s what I thought…

I grew up with these folks. We were trying to figure out this confusing world together. We spent hours sitting on the terrace on starry nights making pacts, singing, confessing, crying, and laughing it all away before hitting the bed in the wee hours of morning. Sometimes we talked about nothing! But it always felt right.

Somewhere things changed. I moved to another continent, but held on to that image in my heart. They moved on, but let go of me and that life. They made new friends and forgot about the old one that was always there. I, on the other hand, thought of them as the only friends and never made any for years! I tried for several years to figure out how I wronged them. I made the calls, I wrote the letters, but I always tried, and I think, I tried too hard.
It dawns on me now. Everything in life is transient, and it applies to friends as well. To be a true friend, one has to immerse oneself, utterly and completely in the life of the other. Todd May says, “We might say of friendships that they are a matter not of diversion or of return but of meaning. They render us vulnerable, and in doing so they add dimensions of significance to our lives that can only arise from being, in each case, friends with this or that particular individual, a party to this or that particular life.” How very true.

We happened in each others lives to add meaning and significance to it at a certain time and in a way that nobody else could. It was the moment, and it was right. We cannot do that for each other anymore, and therefore, the thread has come loose and the fabric has given way. We had to go our separate ways, and we did.

3 thoughts on “Loss of Friendship

  1. That is beautifully written and I can sense how deep the loss is and what it means to you. Quite honestly, the only relationship you can count on is the one you have with yourself. Everything else is transient,fleeting and situational!

  2. this was such a GREAT read! wow… this quote really makes me think a lot: "To be a true friend, one has to immerse oneself, utterly and completely in the life of the other." i've always felt like the amount of "good" friends i had was very few… perhaps i need to practice being a better friend myself.

  3. Thanks, T and Shine. I agree with you Shine about investing in oneself. T, sometimes, no amount of investing can change what is to come. Be true to yourself, and you will know you always did right by you and them.

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